I apologize for what my be a long post but i just felt like writing something down and this seemed like a good spot so here it goes.

I'v been suffering from what i guess you would call depression for years but i have never been diagnosed with it or anything, im too stubborn to admit it to anyone in my family or my doctor and they really wouldn't take it seriously anyways plus i feel shame from it for some reason. Don't have any real friends anymore to talk to and i feel like im sometimes slowly losing the battle though i push so hard to make it look like im holding myself together.

Also, is it depression if i should be depressed? I mean im almost 30, still living with my parents and stuck in a job i hate that is also running me into the ground. Those are all great reasons for being down.

I do plumbing and heating for a living and im actually pretty good at it but its so stressful at times and i feel like i have so much on my shoulders because my boss refuses to hire anyone else competent. Plus its about the worst job for me in that i have health problems that affect my breathing and make heavy labor a bitch.

I keep going but like i said i just feel like i could break at anytime and let it all crumble. Even looking for a new job scares the shit out of me though, and its the one thing people look at me with respect for as much as i hate it.

Also i know its not good but i often drink on the weekends by myself and just sorta wallow in self pity. Any advice on handling the stress, loneliness and pain? I feel lame putting this all in writing but it feels good to let someone in even if it is random people on the internet. Appreciate it, Thanks.