I have ideation from time to time, ESPECIALLY while driving to work in the mornings. (Huh...I wonder why that would be...)

Usually it's like "oh that River is pretty. I should pull the car over and jump in from the bridge." Since it involves a bunch of steps I'm not that concerned about it. I mean it's concerning. But I don't see it as an immediate threat. I know I'm not going to do it because I won't even pull the car over. I know that I won't do it on a walk cuz I generally always walk with my dog.

Well today while I was driving, I thought for about 5 seconds about veering my car to the right into a car in the right lane and seeing if I could cause a massive car accident and not have to go to work.

I haven't had ideation that potentially involves others before.

Now clearly, the answer here seems to be that I need to get a new job, and I am trying to work on that, although I honestly think this problem will crop up in any job that I get, especially in my field.

But is this something that I should address TODAY? Like am I a danger to myself because my ideations are getting more violent?

I mean I suppose I would know that better than you guys.

I've never cut, I've never purposely hurt myself, but it's mostly just because I'm afraid of pain. So that's why I'm not that worried. But I'm wondering if I'm just not aware that things could get a lot worse from here within days or something.

Edit: No ideation today. Have a goal to reach out to EAP but haven't done it yet or set a date to do it by. For some reason I'm kind of afraid of getting help. I think I'm afraid of it not working. I guess I'll set my date to get help as the end of the month.