When I am feeling hopeless, I try to imagine myself where I want to be. One, it gives me hope that one day I shall be there; two, it pushes me to keep moving forward towards that place. In the past, I used to see myself in the future doing the work I love and spending time with the people I love. Today, again I am trying to imagine myself where I want to be . My parents and siblings are away from hone and they shall be returning on this weekend. I see them getting into the train, then I see the train getting into an accident and all of them dying. I know, I know; how awful this sounds, I am a horrible person. But I don't want them to go through the pain of my loss. I see myself at my family's funeral saying goodbye to all of the memories. Then I shall meet all the beautiful people in my life saying thanks for what they have been to me. At the end, I see myself meeting her, yes I want to meet her at the last. I see myself getting up in the morning, dressing up. I shall wear a suit that day, an elegant black one, with a black tie and a white shirt. I shall have a nice breakfast that day, I shall have a nice bath that day, I want everything to be perfect that day. Then I shall take a cab to go and meet her, I will talk her all day long if she agrees to. I shall tell her how grateful I am for the moments which she gave me. I shall tell her how regretful I am for not being able to do the same for her. Then I shall leave and go to the rooftop where I first met her, it was a 13 storied tall building. I shall have my very final cigarette, it should be a Dunhill switch, I said it should be perfect, remember? Just like how it used to be, then I shall stand on the edge and let go of the life that I so desperately hold on to, let go of all the pain, the sorrow, the misery. I will be in an elegant black suit that day. Wouldn't be beautiful way to go?