Hello might as well start off on explaining who i am. I am a 20 year old kid. I work in IT and go to college full time. I have been kicked out of 2 places i have been living at just because i was so busy trying to make myself a better person.

This is my first semester of college and I really didn't know it was going to be this hard. Last December, my mother kicked me out of the house because i did not want to pay $800 a month to live with her. This was outrages for a mother to do to her son that only worked 20 hours a week. I moved in with a friend that was one of my closest friends. Not until recently i was kicked out again not even a year later because him and his mother didnt like how i was never home. I work 30 hours a week and take 4 college classes. Which my college is an hour away from the house. I moved back in with my mom and in a few days i am getting an apartment with some friends.

I am however having one of the worst times trying to push through all of this. I got rediagnosed with depression. I do not have a couciler to go to at the moment because my schedule is so busy. I really can not focus on any school work. I have a paper due in a couple days ( The same day that i am moving into my apartment). That day is going to be tough as well. I have to drive to school then drive an hour away to sign the lease then drive back to school then drive back to the apartment and move in. I feel super overwhelmed with everything.

I am not sure how to improve my reading or writing skills. I typed this with no problem because this is the only thing on my mind. I can't make any outside connections when trying to read any story. I am unsure how to deal with my depression. I have been having some serious thoughts about death. I know its selfish to think that way. I just keep thinking about how easy it would be just to be gone. I have lost a lot of friends recently and i just feel so lost. I did get a girlfriend in the middle of all of this going on. She is a wonderful woman and i am really so happy that she is in my life. I just wish i didnt feel so down so she could actually see what i am really like.

I just need a sense of direction. Instead of writing my paper or doing a presentation that is due tomorrow, I am writing this to complete strangers. Thank you for even taking the time out of your day to read this. I have had a bumpy road, and i 100% know that more people have it worse. I am just having a hard time coping to whats been happening in my life. I am having money troubles as well. I am about to move into an apartment with almost no money and i already pay for everything on my own.

I am going to end writing because i cannot think straight right now. I have been staring at this bottle of Jameson for the past hour. I feel like it would be so nice to just down a couple of shots and not do any homework.