So I got a job because this guy took an interest in me. 5 months in I was out one night trying to show some of our overseas staff a good time, and in the process I got drugged robbed, the next day I woke at noon having missed a great deal of my work responsibilities including a very important meeting. My fault; absolutely. But never the less I really tried to bounce back from it. I never had the intention of doing this kind of thing and I was still really grateful for the job. Fast forward to now 7-8 months later. I still feel an insane amount of crushing guilt that is really harming my mental state, and it also has effected my work. Communication was never a big thing in my department and also since we are working in a different language there is little I can do. I am still trying my hardest but I am also filled with anger. Angry at myself, but also angry at my boss. I shouldn't be but yeah I feel betrayed. The conflicting feelings that what happened to me was my fault for being out, but that the action visited on me was not my fault gives me this insane amount of guilt with this intense anger. And I feel a bit ignored.

There is also a new girl who came to help. She's a bit higher level than me but I'm teaching her the ins and outs of my job. My other boss (not the one I'm complaining about) says I have nothing to worry about, but I doubt they would tell me at this stage if I did.

In the background of this, my engagement got called off kinda (long story) and now I'm moving out of my place and into a new place by myself. My new found depression has resulted in me pulling away from a lot of friends and not keeping in touch with aquantences and essentially I am very alone. My closest friends are all overseas and I have limited context with them.

I could really use a break... like really bad. I am tired... mentally, physically and emotionally I am fucking dead inside. Please don't get on me for cursing.

I am trying to pull myself back up, through all this but it's not going very well... I'm sorry...