So over the passed two years I've suffered from a pretty crippling depression. My life has moved on fairly well but me, my spirit felt like it was slowly being crushed. My depression seems to drive people away and I guess I just don't want to drive people away. I feel like even my spirit was curled up in the fetal position striking and repelling those around me. Maybe I feel a bit better, but I've been able to push it down and hide it. I'm still bleeding inside, but maybe I'm faking it better, at least over the last two weeks... But I'm sick of faking, I just have no choice. I guess k just want to be that rock again. I used to be that person that people turned to. But without having my shot together and feeling useless and replaceable that faded along with my confidence, maybe this kind of "fake it till you make it" thing will work I'm not sure. But I'm telling you guys because I don't know who to tell. I need someone to know. I'm going to go through life from here on out with a smile on my face no matter how true it is to my feelings or not. But just wanted to tell someone anyone that it's like I am cemented to the bottom of the river. Gasping and clawing for air. Hope I can share even just a little bit. Anyway sorry to bother you all... I know you're busy.