I’m a 26 year old female and as embarrassing as it feels for me to admit I’m in the darkest place I’ve been in a long time. I’ve always struggled with depression and have attempted multiple times when I was a teenager and also in my very early 20’s. I feel silly and embarrassed that I even feel this way because from the outside looking in people would probably think I have the “perfect” life and would give anything to be in the position I’m in, and I don’t take that for granted, but it also means that reaching out and asking for help feels so much harder because you are worried people will judge you for feeling the way you do when they feel like you don’t have anything to complain about. It also feels like by this point in my life I should be old enough to know how to cope properly. I have a great job and a loving family/friend network but I also feel so numb, empty and tired. My job is physically and mentally draining and I can’t get any help with it due to external circumstances currently no matter how much I ask for the help, I also can’t leave my job. Although I have a great family/friend network I don’t have time to see them regularly and often only have the time on the weekends and end up filling my weekend with social events and not allowing myself time to rest which just makes me slip deeper and deeper in the hole I’m in currently. I recently hurt myself which I am getting treatment for but it’s just another nail in the coffin leaving me even more physically exhausted. I’m at the point now where I go to sleep at night hoping I don’t wake up in the morning and during the day I float through life just trying to get by without fulling breaking down. I don’t even know why I’m even making this post, I think it’s just because I feel so mentally checked out and needed a way to get it off my chest. I don’t know, but I apologise for the rant.