I'm just so tired of it all. The world is insane. The direction things are moving is insane. It's terrifying.

But there's nothing I can do about it. All I want to do is hide at this point.

But I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of my mind working against me. Tired of people telling me I'm great, but not being able to leverage any of that, not being able to sell myself. I've been trying to get myself to make some personal posts for MONTHS. I hate talking about myself in this very specific context. My brain just shuts down. Fights with itself. Argues against any positive thing I might say. Just wants to vomit out all the negatives so I don't waste anyone's time, or delude myself into thinking things might go somewhere.

I am not capable of self love, but I have so much to share with someone else, and no outlet. I'm starving of love, affection, and intimacy, and it's the only thing in the world I really want/need. It would make life so much more bearable to have someone to share the joys and burdens with. Someone to cooperate with to help improve our mutual wellbeing.

But I just can't find it, and making efforts to do so... it's been a while. It's always hard, but it's never been this hard. I don't know what's... I mean, no, I know plenty of what's wrong with me. I just... I don't know how to work around it.

It's all overwhelming, and it just makes me want to give up. To accept things are never going to be how I'd like, to just stop caring. But I can't do that either. The needs/wants never go away. Never stop torturing me with the absences I feel in life.

I'm just so tired of it all.