Trying to see if anyone else can relate and how they navigated through life dealing with having a conservative and dysfunctional Indian family (mainly parents). Although born in India I was raised for most of my life in the states. Both of my parents are from small villages and were arrange married with limited education. From infancy I could see just how incompatible both of my parents were with physical and verbal abuse between them (mostly related to each others families). They were not physically abusive towards me, but seeing how they were towards each other left emotional and mental scars in me. A combination of the classic taboo view on divorce in India and children being in the picture they never separated. This continued on even once we started living in the states while also struggling financially. Seeing them argue and give each other the silent treatment for days on end I developed a serious desire to people please in order to try and make things better between them. I also developed a fear of confrontation, and it spilled over into my friendships and later on relationships. Being the oldest child I was very depended upon for anything related to the English language as my parents capacity was very limited, and I had to grow up quickly. It was a classic example of the eldest son who had to shoulder the expectations of succeeding and being the first person in my family to attend college in hopes of going to medical school, while also helping manage a business with my dad. I struggled, but I summited most of that. I thought I would finally be able to feel a sense of happiness by making them proud and sacrificing half of my life for the family in order to build financial stability, but it wasn’t enough and I was expected to now get arrange married. I wasn’t ready for that. Life took an unexpected turn from all the stress and pressure I felt and I developed autoimmune health issues and life took a pause. I was able to veer towards a completely different career path, but recently succumbed to giving that up just to move back and help with the business. I profusely refused to think about marriage again since their last attempt and was adamant on just living my life alone and possibly in peace, but they persistently pushed and I gave it a shot. I am fortunate enough to have found someone through them whom I feel happy with, but now my family feels I am neglecting them by giving time to the person they themselves introduced me to and I question whether it’s even possible to ever please them while also being happy with my decisions. I constantly question my life choices and not having done what would’ve given me happiness regardless of the outcome of the family as a whole. I feel scared of the future and what it might hold for me and maybe hearing advice from someone else in a similar situation who is in a better place I thought might help.