I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being in the rut and going through autopilot in life. I don't know why I have been like this all my life. I feel like I'm a born disease infecting everyone around me. I feel like they hate me secretly and just tolerate me enough to be existing. I keep getting ignored and no one wants to talk. I can't get out and socialize because I don't have money or gas money. I don't have friends near me to hang out with. The people I talk to are busy in their lives and don't have time. I feel like this mat where everyone can just use me and go away. I feel disgusting and guilt and anxiety and depression. I feel emotions I kept at bay for YEARS. I feel like I'm gonna burst and hurt something. But I never do.