Basically what the title says. The only thing that keeps me holding on anymore is a pet, and a promise. I’m not suicidal, but absolutely nothing is or has gone right in months with no end in sight. I had a chronic condition finally snap (literally my mandible broke) on the job, and because I was in a contract to hire role, rather than them let me get better they let me go. The people who mean the most to me are going through their own struggles and the only thing that brings me ANY solace is being able to help them through those. I have no income…no financial support…no prospective financial outlook as I legit can’t work until at least a month post op (waiting for scheduling to get back to me), which is a relatively new surgery to have in the first place.

I’m at the point where I find myself daily fantasizing about going under and not waking up. I don’t want to be this way. I want to love life again. There has just been so much bad in such a short period of time with no timeline on improvement, I’m having a difficult time goal setting other than, “I woke up today.” It’s to the point where the other day I was actually looking at DNR paperwork trying to decide if it was a good idea or not. I just don’t know what to do anymore or why I bother continuing.