I am extremely alone. I have a really hard time connecting with people. I am probably one of the worst people pleasers alive and it keeps me from being myself around others. I become paralyzed with fear that the next words out of my mouth will cause the people around me to hate me. I have a small set of sentences that i know are safe to use around other people, and i stick to them, never allowing me to get any deeper than surface level with people. I also don’t feel like i have any really great qualities about myself that would make anyone want to be friends with me.

I am intensely lonely. I’m scared I always will be and I don’t really want to live like this any longer but I have two perfect dogs and the thought of traumatizing them by leaving them or rehoming them is worse than dying. So I stay for them and the small sliver of hope that I won’t always be this miserable and alone.