I messed up by watching a show that he and I used to watch. Hearing his silly jokes or input. Or how he's the one who got me to watch the show in the first place. I didn't realize how sad it would make me to rewatch part of it. I knew he never loved me as much as I loved him. I loved him so much. Always. Even though he hurt me so much and never stopped. I'm so stupid. I've been avoiding everything that reminded me of him. I cry over someone who hurt me, who abandoned me several times. Someone who showed he didn't care about me. I hate being here. Alive. Being alone. I just wanted him to change. He never wanted to change for me. He killed me. I wish I didn't have to keep living. I wish I died.