The older I get the more cynical and pessimistic I become. When you're like this people don't want to be around you and that just makes you sink further into it. The only reason I'm so outwardly cynical is because I'm begging someone to show me a reason to keep going, but people are either too stupid or too selfish to help you. They think I just chose to be this way but it's the world that made me like this. Of course I don't want to be negative all the time but nobody wants to pull you out of that they think you'll just drag them down with you. I can't just pretend to be happy when I have deep seated mental issues and I can't fix those issues without some sort of external help but it's never there which just validates how I feel about the world, that nobody really cares, nothing matters, it's all a rigged game and you're on your own.