I’m very fortunate. I have a nice house I live with my family, I have a car and a lot of money, especially considering my age (18) and yet I feel so isolated. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I know there’s some word for it, but essentially I heard about a term that means even though things are going well there’s always a fear something will go wrong. I’m scared of that.

In theory I should be happy, socialising with new people, dating etc but I just struggle so much. I’ve tried my best but I’m not sure what to do.

I could always turn to a sex worker for a quick fix of loneliness but that’s likely to make me feel even sadder and worse about myself because it means I’m paying for something people get for free, likely everyday.

Sometimes I imagine these amazing guitar solos and I think they’re the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.

I’m not sure what I’m rambling about but my psychologist wanted to get me tested by a psychiatrist because she thought I had some underlying mental issues based on what I’ve been telling her. I still haven’t seen the psychiatrist because my dad said it’s not worth the hassle. Sometimes I feel so aggressive and have disturbing thoughts, other times I feel amazing and really happy, other times I feel like staying at home forever and hibernating forever and dying alone.