After loving and caring for my partner of 7 years she cheated on me when my depressed Aunt who I spoke to every day for 9months killed herself after I missed her calls, and I became depressed myself.

My ex-partner was used to a lot of attention from me and she had low self esteem. She once told me that meeting me saved her life, then in my lowest place ever, she not only ignored it but she immediately decided to look for attention somewhere else. Then for some reason when I found out, she used all her knowledge of me to tear me down and try and destroy me emotionally because in her words she “couldn’t forgive herself”

My second relationship was great for about 5 months, then she woke up one day and watched me sleep and for no reason she ever understood, didn’t like me anymore. Like a switch flipped in her head. Honestly that would have been fine, but she didn’t tell me. I could tell something was different but she spent 7months gaslighting me about it and telling me she loved me, because as she finally revealed “no one will ever treat me as well as you do”, and instead of giving that up she decided to emotionally torture me.

I was lied to and used literally for being loving.

I was the only person in my family who spoke to my depressed Aunt because they all thought she was just “looking for attention” and criticised her constantly behind her back.

When her Will was emailed to us, we found she had left me more money than anyone else and the first thing my family said to me was “if you don’t give us that money, we’ll never treat you the same way again”.

I shared the money, and they never even said thank you, believing it was their money anyway.

My family are also hardcore conspiracists and think I’m brainwashed from university where I work. My uncle LITERALLY thinks the earth is flat. It’s not a joke to him, it’s real. That’s how in deep they are.

I was a smart kid in school and got academic achievements, my parents didn’t care because school was for drones. Nothing I’ve ever done has felt like an achievement to me, no matter what I do I’m not proud of anything. I have no sense of personal achievement or merit. My degree is just “a piece of paper” long lost crumpled up in a closet.

Everyone I ever loved has just made me feel like shit.

I’m lonely and angry and I think I’m losing the ability to engage productively with society and other people.

I have friends I occasionally see and they’re the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.