Ever since I can remember I have fought depression because I have been poor. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of looking for that idea to get me out of poverty and into a life where I can afford to live and enjoy. I lost family because they are all capable of making so much money their ability to do whatever they want while I sit at home struggling to pay rent sucks. I took them off my IG and stopped opening it because I become more depressed seeing them jetset around the world on constant vacations while I work practically 2 jobs just to pay rent and groceries. I try on my own to figure something out and I'm done. I tried to make investments and got nowhere. I try to reach out to my extended family for help making investments and ideas to increase my income and I feel the rich don't want to associate with the poor because it is contagious. I have the drive to make something of my life but I don't have the smarts. I have the hunger to work everyday but not the smarts to figure out how to make more out of my labor. If I was a deadbeat I wouldn't be able to hold down 2 jobs. It's just not enough and I don't want to struggle anymore. I yearn for a person to save me from being poor by seeing my drive to dedicate my life to working for something better..not working for struggling. I don't want to live this way anymore and sometimes I wish I could just let go and leave but I don't have the guts too. I keep thinking if I stay, somehow, someway..my life will change if a miracle happens. Waiting for a miracle sucks. I want to do good if I have a good source of income and money in my pocket. I want to help my parents get out of poverty and let them enjoy life. They worked all their lives for no enjoyment out of it. I want them to enjoy their eldery years for all their work. Seems like a scam.

I don't know what to do anymore but just live in my lifelong depression. Sometimes it is more bliss to just accept a life of poverty than to fight for no hope.

I'm not suicidal but being scammed out of a life makes you wonder why should I have it.