I decided last year that I'd give therapy a shot once more. It's been 6 months and honestly, if anything, I've only gotten worse. I keep being abandoned by people who call me their partners as they do other things and put me on the back burner. I haven't been happy really since my ex left and that's been about 3 years ago. I'm sick, with whatever, and part of me is hoping I have something that will take me out while the other part of me wants to survive in hopes of finding a relationship. Sometimes I just sit here fantasizing about how much sex my ex and his new girlfriend are having because whenever I think about myself I'm met with a lot of disappointment. At least his girlfriend can touch him and is real meanwhile I just talk to people online and can't get more than that. I don't enjoy the fantasy, I just do it because it reminds me of how I wasn't good enough to begin with for people. I keep trying dating apps and nothing really. Having a partner that truly cares would be great but that doesn't seem realistic. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results and maybe I've reached that point. But I keep trying to change things though nothing changes for me. I wish I wasn't a last resort. I wish I was good enough for someone. Someone down the street from me got engaged and I just cried about it. That will never be me.