this hit me after my best friend from kindergarden died of a random seizure last july, ive had 4 of 6 best friends from my early days die due to final destination type shit. rest got the hell out of here.

anyway, its like standing with your friends at a big cliff over the ocean, you see one jump, than another, it makes you less afraid to go. There is no christian muslim or jewish god , this i know. And what lies beyond we can not know until it happens, it doesnt include any of the 6 senses.

idk, then theres the carjacking 2 years ago. car stolen, when i had the keys, had to walk 5 hours home at 12am cuz cell was in car.called cops at 6am. told me cars dont get stolen anymore. didnt do anything. i said fuck them and walked my entire city. and i found it around 11pm the next day. with no sleep. guy pops out as i approach, with a 357. wants me to go in a house, instinct has me turn around . walk major intersection for four hours finally someone called. but i dont beleive cops ever arrested him. i think he talked them into something or i dont know. they took me back to my car-then left, then immediatley came back with guns and wouldnt tell me why they searched my entire car. then left.

they wont give me FOIA because there was no crime that occured, sounds like kidnapping to me. since than i realized i have no value. OH then the kid and his friends continued to harrass me cause they had my registration. cops did nothing. 2 weeks later 9am driving down a straight road, WHEEL COMES OFF, huge accident. Police assume i must be on drugs, and find POT in my system from the night before and charge me dui. They only job i ever had was in delivery, moving, etc.

it gets even worse but havent driven now for two years, im at my moms, and im too ashamed to even go out sometimes. like outside. idk i just dont want to do this anymore. and it scares me, cause ive whined and threatened before, but im grown now, and ill just do it, with a shotg the time it takes to register pain is longer than the time it takes to vaporize your head, but i dont want to do that to my mom. thats all i have.

but nothing will change, something in me isnt there anymore after those things went down. i also ended up going on a high speed chase in the back seat of a neighbors car for asking for a ride, and had to do 30 days in jail because he crashed and ran i stayed and the gf said i was the driver, ugh, 8000$ to retain a lawyer for nothing