Welp it finally happen. Graduated and all ive done was work. i havent been paying my dues in this house, and my mom is letting me go i have 30 days. I avoided college b/c i didnt think it was for me and i havent had any dreams or aspirations since right before we came back from lockdown. I always said id never be this bum just "functioning" and barely doing the bare minimum but i am.

im also extremely weak mentally. Any constructive critism make me want to throw up from feeling inadequate and i start letting shit get worse cuz its easier to say fuck it and lean into others perception then do something. But tf is that!?!? Yes their perception doesnt matter but i cant get upset if thats all im giving them.

Ive decided this IS my rock bottom. anything more is just shameful because of how many passes ive been given. i filled out my fafsa and am currently looking for a low income apt. Right now i have 500 in savings and im saving these next few checks. I have no choice but to become a worthy person, I refuse to chase away/ continue to resent them for being right. Time to suck it tf up and kill the self-destruction, the pity, the exscuses, this fuck ass mentality.