Things are tough today. I didn't sleep well and cried so much this morning I threw up. Call it an epiphany or a sober realization maybe a harsh truth: I'm a monumental burden to others. I'm starting to realize how much effort people have put into me. Constantly trying to sway me to try novel things. Always checking on me or making sure I'm not alone. I'm obstructing their lives, warping their natural trajectories and sucking in all their energy like a black hole made manifest and bound in flesh. I know I will kill myself one day that's an unmitigated kernel of knowledge I've harboured for twenty seven agonizingly terrible years. Probably accepting that is the only reason I haven't. I'm also waiting for one of my many medical issues to finally lay me to rest. It's not that I have no one to confide in. I just don't see the point in burdening someone with this knowledge. I just felt like I should put this out into the aether finally.