I keep waking up each morning feeling like I have no purpose or reason to live anymore. Not suicidal, just why am I trying to make myself productive or find something to give me meaning. I used to be excited about buying a house someday or traveling around. Now whenever I try to apply myself to some sort of goal, a few days later I just lose all interest and desire to achieve it.

One thing has kept me happy and excited at times is my roommate and best friend. She is always someone who I looked forward to coming home to and spending the evening with. We really enjoy each other’s company. But she doesn’t love me the same way that I love her and that certainly has made our friendship hard to handle at times. I even see how a relationship together (we do have different viewpoints and wants in life) wouldn’t work out. I get jealous and resentful when she does things with other guys. I see that I am the problem in this situation and I should just move on or learn to accept the situation as it is. But I have nothing else I look forward to anymore if not for her in my mind.

And I feel like I’m not entitled to my feelings. I have an easy job that pays the bills. I have family and friends who always check in on me and support me. I have a good life compared to others that I just feel like I’m an entitled brat because I can’t move on from her and don’t have anything to be depressed about. And yet each day feels like a pointless exercise.

I’m moving out in a few months and can’t decide what’s next. I could find a new apartment in the area and continue being miserable at my job but safe in income. I thought about taking a year off to travel but like everything else I just get excited for a few days before losing interest in that. Plus I may not find a job that pays as good as this one when I return. I just feel stuck with no drive in life anymore. I don’t know I just wanted to ramble to the void. Maybe typing it out or talking to someone would help me.