So… here’s my background: I’m a male in his late 30’s not necessarily successful, not necessarily a failure either, yet I am depressed. I can’t find women who care about me, I have a tumultuous relationship with my father, my mother is such a pushover she won’t help. I have historically used relationships as a way to seek the support I need, but I always seem to fail and burn my bridges with the women I care about… I can’t go on living like this, but I I’m too chicken s**t to actually kill myself. How can I cope? How can I go on? I’m at a loss. I am too down on myself to find the friendships or dating relationships that are supportive and build me up, but too well adjusted to society’s standards to make people believe I actually need help. What do I do? How do I go on? I’m just tired of being me. There are people who are better off than me, and people who are worse off than me who seem to have it so easy, yet I feel so worn down and worthless that it exhausts me. My family and 90% of my friends don’t understand, and the 10% that do, I’m afraid of alienating, so I’m afraid to ask them for help. What can I do?! I wish God would strike me dead, even though I know I probably shouldn’t wish that.

Please help me. I need advice and words of encouragement/wisdom to get me through.