Life is just awful. I can't think of one good reason not to off myself other than my family. I hate my job. My life basically revolves around it now and I have no real friends.

I wake up in the morning catch three trains to get to work which takes like over an hour and a half, do the most mundane, pointless, unrelenting, unfulfilling work known to man for a few hours and then catch more trains back home.

By the time I get home it's already late and I'm tired and too depressed to do anything I care about. Some days I do, but it never amounts to anything. I can never find a way to escape this life.

Sometimes I go on walks after work to clear my head and maybe get some exercise. It doesn't seem to do much but I am dieting and I guess losing weight. I can barely do the bare minimum to get healthy because I'm just so tired.

I don't know why but since I was a teenager I've barely had any energy and this year I will be 25. It's just been getting progressively worse.

I really can't see a point in living and I've been thinking about killing myself since I left high school.

I suffered with anxiety most of my life so I don't really have good memories from the past decade and I haven't done things most people my age have done.

I really have nobody and I find almost nothing interesting and don't feel very passionate about anything. I used to have dreams but my life is so mundane that I can't be bothered to care about them. It's just this same awful day repeating for almost the last year.

The weekends are also always a waste. I'm too tired to do anything or too anxious to go out and try to actually live.

I wish somebody loved me but I know now it's not going to happen and I don't think genuine love is real anymore anyway.

I feel like I'm going/have gone insane and I have nobody to talk to about any of this.

I hate being an adult. I hate mental illness. I hate the world and how boring and awful it is. I sincerely think the only way to improve my situation is to die because I know life will just keep becoming shittier and shittier.

Nobody gives a solitary fuck about me. It's as though I don't even exist sometimes. I wish people would talk to me. I wish somebody would hug me so I might feel something for once other than rage or melancholy.

I envy normal people. I wish I could be like them and not have to think too hard about everything and I wish I could love and be loved like them but I was never really like them. Even when I was a kid I felt like an outsider. Now those feelings have solidified.

I wish I had normal teenage experiences I could look back on fondly and not just have regrets. If only I could go back and fix those mistakes, but of course that's impossible. So I'll just keep dwelling on them until I'm actually dead.

I don't really understand why suicide is such a taboo when everyone inherently knows how awful it is to be alive unless you're supremely wealthy or loved by many people or even just a few who treat you well.

Anyways, I would like to die. I don't know if I'll kill myself or not. I guess I'll just hope something changes and we'll see what happens. I just needed to vent. I'm so exhausted and I have nobody to turn to.