I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 for over a decade (26m), and I've only gotten worse since then despite all the medications that I've taken. It feels like they're just throwing shit at the wall to see if sticks, and none of it does. What the fuck makes them think that a medication is going to work a third time around?? I've also seen a therapist in addition to psychiatrist for most of that time.

I am 26 and have never been employed. That is beyond pathetic. I genuinely can't put into words how bad that makes me feel. I also can't even look strangers in the eye, much less talk to them. I have no friends, and I'll never make any because of my unbelivably pathetic lack of social skills. I cry like a fucking toddler when strangers try to talk to me because I genuinely don't know what to do. I spend more time crying and clutching a stuffed animal than I do talking to people. How fucking sad is that?

And it's honestly just a lack of any skill in general. I'm not good at anything, so I have no skllls to appy to the "real" world. Not that I'll ever be in a position to do so.

I've dropped out of college 3 times, and though I've enrolled for the Spring, I am absolutely certain that it will only become dropout number four. And even if it doesn't, I'll just end up with a useless politcal science degree from an absolute joke of a commuter school with a piss poor GPA and no real life experience. And even in the extraordinarly unlikely case that I do graduate, I'll have no experience. Who's going to hire a sack of shit like me who can't even look strangers in the eye?

Oh, and to top it off, I was screened for autism recently, and guess what? I have that too! GREAT! Just another impediment in a life that is already so pathetic that it just makes me want to die.

I don't understand the world, and I don't even know how to describe to other people how I don't understand it. I don't even know if that makes sense.

I'm too afraid to act on any of these feelings because I am an absolute worthless pussy, but I just wish I could so badly. My biggest hope in life is that one day I'll finally wear myself down. and just go through with it.

I am BEYOND useless, and I just fucking hate being alive.

If any of you made it through this stupid rambling mess, I am so sorry. No one deserves to listen to what a useless shell of a human being like myself has to say.