I thought I was just going through my mid-life crisis, but my feelings of hopelessness and depression have persisted for years now. Feels like my new normal. Im not one to complain without trying to work towards changing things, and I have tried. Nothing has worked.

My biggest scapegoat about my feelings is often work/my job. But having some time off around the holidays has given me time to think and reflect. I’ve learned that, while work does add stress to my life, it’s not the reason why I’m so miserable.

The root cause of my misery is that my life is NOTHING like how I wanted it to be. It’s not like I set some crazy, lofty goals for myself. I just wanted to be a normal person with average/presentable looks, a decent group of friends (quality over quantity), a nice little family, a decent job that pays the bills. Nothing fancy. I have none of these things. Not a single one. How did I get here? Where did I go wrong? Why does my every attempt to fix things fizzle out or take me even further away from my hopes and dreams?

I feel pathetic. I AM pathetic. I will never be able to achieve what pretty much every adult my age does with ease.