I haven’t been able to feel a fucking thing in weeks. I’ve said that before but , I swear it’s like the lights are on but nobody’s home. Holy shit this year has been rough . I feel like I’m just hanging on by a thread before a full on mental breakdown . Which is just , mad tight. All of this hilarious , because I feel like I just got out of a depression . But then it comes back and slaps you in the face . And screams in your face “YOU FAWKIN THOUGHT” and then boom it’s back to thinking about hanging myself constantly. I just want my emotions to be genuine. But it’s like a damn dial tone in my head over and over and over again . I’m just mentally fucking exhausted . I’m supposed to do this for 40 more fucking years ? That sounds like torture in a prison cell with no doors, no windows, and no lights. I don’t know how longer I want to do this. I don’t see pain the same , I don’t view time the same . I just don’t know if I want this anymore