Prepare for a long read

I am 18M living in Australia, I grow up on a farm in a small town just outside the city, so I rarely get to go out, most times I would go to town is if a parent takes me which is occasional and up until 2 years ago, when I would go to school.

In 2019 I had just changed to a new school after getting into some "beef" so to speak that lead to me leaving my old school, during my first few days there I met this dude who I will call T and we got along easily, we were friends up until 2021 when the worst thing that could have ever happened happened. In February of 2021 it was my school swimming carnival and me, him and a bunch of others in our friend group just hung out at the thing, barely doing any swimming like most there.

That same day he confessed to me over instagram DMs that he had feelings for me, I immediately shut him down and tried to move on hoping he got the message, he didn't. We were in the same music class and me him and my best friend I've known since preschool (who started at the school after I met T), were grouped for an assignment, but on the day in question, my bff wasn't there, he was ill, and T and i were having to stay during lunch to finish what we could on our project, this is when T decided to act, he tackled me to the ground and put his hands down my pants, luckily the bell rang before things got worse and I immediately ran, I should have gone straight to the police but i was scared tell anyone, that would change as my best friend suspected something was wrong so I confessed but I still told him to keep quiet about it, so for the months of march-june thing.were quiet

June came around and my year 10 camp was about to commence, however, the week we.were meant to leave, I got either bronchitis or covid, I never got tested but had to stay home nonetheless, and a day or 2 before my other schoolmates and T were set to leave, my bff broke down from his own issues and accidentally blabbed the whole thing to his mum, who messaged my mum and soon the police and school were notified, so that week I gave a statement to the school and police, school holidays would end and I would go back to school and everyone in My grade (even people who hated or did not like me before all this) comforted me and supported me but that would not stop me from feeling the most intense and severe anxiety and stress from the entire thing, I always had the urge and need to pee even when I just did not long ago, I would even fake sick just to avoid school because of what happened, eventually my Mum decided it would be best to leave. I would start seeing a therapist but that wouldn't help, and since 2021 I've been at home, trying to find a job but it's getting difficult, since I've left my friend group has shrunk to 2, being my best friend and a friend I've known for almost half the time I knew my bff.

I never WANTED to leave school but I couldn't stay either, today all my other friends including this girl I have haf feelings for since 2020, graduated today and I am getting all regretful and sad, I should be there with them, celebrating but my mind and body hate me and idk what more to do, I miss all of them and I will probably never see them again. I had to leave and since I have I can't find a job that can atone to my issues and give me flexibility, but T has been working at Zambrero and other places and he is the one that created this, created the waste I am today, stopped my life completely and its just unfair. I am starting to question everything and I'm losing my mind, all my friends are graduating and having fun socially active lives meanwhile I'm wasting away, my life draining away bit by bit, my heart and spirit shattered.

I don't know what to do anymore,I dunno how much I can take, I have been assaulted, harassed, traumatised it's all coming back to my mind. Please help