I can never feel motivated by trying "positive reinterpretations" of events because I am not going to delude myself into believing I'm going to get what I want, when I have literally no way of knowing. It seems simply unrealistic and irrational. I have years of evidence in my past that it just gets worse, not better - life has only gotten harder and harder for me getting older. I have zero evidence that "it gets better", so I have no reason to believe that.

Why should I believe in something like "hope" if there's no evidence for it? Might as well start believing in rainbow unicorns or spaghetti monsters.

I'm tired of fighting the fight. I want out.