I just don't find joy in anything. My wife left me, took the kid, and it just seems nothing I do ever amounts to anything. I'm in a constant state of self loathing and overwhelming anxiety. So then I start to self destruct by getting high, burning bridges, and gambling all of my money away. And in today's society it's not all that easy for a guy to even just hop back into dating so I just write that off. Work is just this mundane thing I do because if I don't people will talk even more shit when they don't have any clue what's really going on in my head. I've attempted suicide more than once, I did it by purposely overdosing, narcan being a thing now is the only reason I'm here today. And I just constantly think about all of my past mistakes and current problems and it's just so pointless to me to even keep going.. I truly don't understand what I'm doing here anymore.