I feel stuck in place. I want to move forward but decisions I've made in the past have not turned out well, so I worry that the next decision will be another failure instead of moving forward. Then depression and loneliness destroy my motivation to do much of anything. Loneliness and the fact that I express love and desire through touch makes my libido rage, but awkwardness and introvert tendencies make it hard to connect. But the longing for connections makes me make bad decisions in my wish for connection and intimacy. It all feels like too much. If I didn't have work I feel like I would just sleep all the time. Even the things that used to help, playing video games, reading, watching movies and shows bring me less and less joy as time moves on. Sometimes I'm even angry that I was born at all. Not that I've never had happy moments but they get lost in the sea of depression. So, here I float on these waters with no land in sight.