I'm exercised, have insurance, go to therapy, eat healthy, in a healthy and loving relationship, have great friends, throw parties, attend college, and keep my room and dishes clean, and at the end of the day I still feel so dejected all the time. I've struggled with a negative headspace and suicidal thoughts now for 8 years. Still, I find ways to mask and be the funny one, the friend, the lover, etc. and get a lot of praise and encouragement for being so great, but at the end of the day I can't help but feel like a fraud. Like I'd rather be anyone else but myself.

People think I have it all together and I can't feel more lost and hopeless. I can't keep this up forever, but if I don't then I become the asshole I think I am.