For starters, idk if this is the right place for this but, I wanted to just get it out there. Not to toot my own horn but, I can safely say that in IRL, I'm a decent guy. Depressed, perhaps suffering from some sort of imposter syndrome but a decent guy none of the less. The many people I have spoken to IRL often say that I am a nice person.

But then, I go onto the internet and see these posts about girls dealing with "Nice guys" or retail/service workers dealing with near borderline psychotic customers, or the many many threads that talk about the negative aspects of a person and what not to do/ how to not be, you know, a jerk. I'm sure they mean well, but randomly my brain will begin to make me question myself and be like "Congratulations! You're an a-hole OP!" Even though it's probably not true but....my brain says otherwise. Making me super self conscious about everything.

I won't lie, I'm not the best person, I do have a dark sense of humor. I find myself getting super jealous and envious of well.... almost everyone around me, especially online. I never act upon it, but the feelings are there. I guess it also doesn't help that I can be seen as very antisocial IRL and constantly worried of being annoying/overbearing when speaking with my online friends.

Perhaps that's why I may never be able to successfully pursue a relationship. I don't have gynophobia (fear of woman) but I just don't feel I'm good enough to start an intimate relationship because I know most women are literally on edge constantly from being harassed by a guy. It doesn't help that these creeps get more spotlight than actual good guys just trying to live their life and not be labeled as such. Honestly, it makes me feel ashamed of being a man, because how am I any different?

Sorry if I didn't have the right words, I just wanted to express these feelings and thoughts I've been thinking about for a while now.