I failed at my job. now I have to accept that I‘m not yet ready for the responsibility it brought. there‘s so much more to learn and I need a teacher. this is not stuff I can learn by myself.

it‘s a 4 week gig, and I‘m 3 weeks through but today I decided to quit. they‘re looking for a replacement now and I hope it won‘t be long. I just want to go home. honestly I‘m really relieved now that I decided to quit, but I‘m also super stressed out because the days until my replacement will be here are going to be hard. I just can‘t anymore.

but it‘s also really hard to admit that I failed. to agree with this mean voice in my head. I feel like I gave up.

I try convincing myself that admitting that I‘m not ready for this yet is a sign of strength, that I should be proud of myself for accepting this, but I just feel weak. I want to run away as fast an far as I can. or lock myself in my hotel room until I can finally go home. but I need to tough it out until my replacement is here.