I tried reaching out to a behavioral facility that offers help with depression and suicide idealization. This process has taken about 2 months to get someone to get me assigned. I first contacted the hotline through the text messaging and they gave me links to find affordable help. The hotline wasn't really helpful but the links did help me find a place nearby. The majority of their cases seem to revolve around children as their website has it plastered everywhere but they do also cater to adults.

I called them on August 27 and the lady just asked me fill some forms and then to send her an email with the filled out forms and the signed documents. I do it all in within 30 minutes or so and then send it back and don't hear anything back for a week. I email again and she finally emails back with a rate for the sessions. I like the rates and I accept to them and she then says she will work on getting me assigned to a clinician.

I hear nothing for a couple of days then I email her again on September 16 asking her if she knows if I have already been assigned. I think maybe I was assigned and the person that I was assigned to never contacted me or they had the wrong phone number. So then she emails me back saying they are still working on it and she asks me what days I would be interested in (this my first hint that she hasn't been working on anything and she probably forgot I even existed or that I needed help...I also think that maybe she is overloaded with work but my brain is playing games with me). I then tell her I can do Fridays and the time frame that would be ideal. She says she will contact me again once she has a time frame available.

I decided to email them once again asking her if she has a time available for me (I apologize to her in every email because I bet she has a lot to do and I hate to bother anyone with my sorry existence but I really need the help so what am I supposed to do but to ask for forgiveness???). Then she just emails me telling me the name of the person I have been assigned and that person should contact me within 24hours or the next day.

I wait another week and today I decided to email her again (apologizing once more because fuck it at this point I feel like I really am a nuisance) and I ask her for the email or the phone extension number of the therapist I was assigned to so that I can contact her myself (because obviously she isn't).

At this point I am starting to wonder if I should even continue with this. Maybe this is a way for life to tell me I am fine and I need no help and just to move on. I don't know if this also warning signs that I should be paying attention that this isn't a place in which I am going to find the help I need. I don't know if this is regular amount of wait time. I know someone who goes to this place too and her session was pushed forward because she was in a "worse" condition. I honestly don't know what to think and I was looking to get some input from people who have gotten help and have gone through the system.

Anyways thank you for taking your time reading this post.