I’m a bisexual male. I hid it for so long because of my family and I’ve done music professionally. I was an underground artist/producer/songwriter making a name for myself locally and did my thing with guys behind the scenes. I met my boyfriend 7 years ago. He’s gay and I’m bi. At first everything was fine and he made me feel like I could have the world and he even was the first to support me in everything. I felt so confident I told my family and close friends we’d been dating for 8 months at the time. My mom and dad didn’t talk to me for months, I lost some friends... and when it got out that I was dating a guy, artist didn’t want to work with me anymore and my shows stopped. Over the years he’s seems not so much interested anymore. Important and tragic events in my life I feel like I’m going through alone. I’ve seen friends and family die and sure he’s there the first day but he feels like I’m supposed to cry one day and instantly be over it the next day. Like the death of people close to you, you can just walk off like a baseball injury.

I stopped doing music and modeling because he didn’t want me to anymore, I was all about him. I apologize when he does or says something offensive to me, because if I don’t he’ll hold a grudge for weeks. I ask him if he’s still in love with me, and he says yes, yet he doesn’t want to marry me. He says it doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t want me talking to anyone about m problems because he says that I should talk to him... however when I do he’s either not listening to tells me I’m should get over it or that I’m a crier (sarcasm).

My mom is sick and her heart and kidneys are failing. Idk how much time she has left, he won’t go with me to see her when she’s in the hospital. He doesn’t talk to me about her, all because our apartment wasn’t so clean when she came over one time and she said something (like any mother would who taught you these things would). I told him one time when she was really sick, that if she died and he didn’t make up with her we were done, yet he hasn’t made an effort to do so.

I work in sales and I’ve always been really good at that, but I feel so scared in front of clients lately. I’m down all the time, I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t feel like I matter at all to him anymore. I used to be so confident and such a happy person. Now, I don’t even know if I could be that person anymore.

It’s easy for anyone to say leave him, but he has some good qualities... And I still love him, we’ve been together for 7yrs. However, every day I feel like I’m less and less important to him. But, I can’t imagine myself without him. Every change I’ve made for him and our future. But as we talk about it every now and then I find that some things we wanted, mutually, aren’t what he wants anymore.

Idk where my head is right now, but it’s killing me. If anyone has any experience with this or a way to help me help us it would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: sorry this is so long I’m just really in the feels right now.