I suffered from depression when I was 14, which led me to several hospitalizations in psychiatric hospitals and treatments for years. I was starting to get better little by little, to be able to feel positive again and I admit that it would be a lie to say that that is no longer the case. I always manage to move past things, to be positive, I thought I had become strong. It's so hard to realize that this force is actually nothing but emptiness, I feel absolutely empty, but I don't want to die. I find life beautiful, I know that it is an experience, a fabulous anomaly and that it must be lived, I know that… But I can't do it, I try to live normally but I still have this weight on my shoulders, the one that tempts me to do crazy things in the hope perhaps of losing my life without doing it voluntarily. I feel empty, yes, but yet full of false self-confidence and false joy of living, at times yes, I am happy to experience things but these moments are constantly crushed by billions of thoughts. I'm lost, I feel alone, and yet I have life ahead of me, I often reassure myself by telling myself that if things don't go well today then it will be alright tomorrow and if it doesn't go well tomorrow it will be alright the day after tomorrow , but I still have this little hope that my heart will eventually stop beating.