Great book, if anyone cares to look it up. Really surprises you in the end with what the author meant when they said they wanted to end things. Definitely took me in for a loop.

Besides it being a great book, I've been delving into my dark thoughts lately and I'm starting to believe that it would be better to end things.

I'm starting to believe that no amount of medication or therapy helps anymore. I've been in this cycle for years and i feel like I'm losing hope. I feel useless, hopeless, and helpless. I'm withdrawing into a tighter shell than ever before. I'm slowly feeding into my darker thoughts and it's starting to scare me a bit, but they're what i accept the most because it all makes sense to me.

I reach out to my family and what? They can't help me. They have no time for someone who complains and moans and groans all day. I can't blame them for that. So what if i am gone? This proves that they would get along fine without me. No one needs me. I've never been needed before outside of work or school.

I don't want to be here anymore. Life means absolutely nothing to me and i don't even know why i bother trying anymore. Everyday i get so tired. So exhausted of being alive. I wish that when i fall asleep, i just die. I stay asleep forever. I want to walk into traffic and have a fucking semi hit me. I want to walk into a burning building and let the whole fucking thing collapse on me. I don't care. It scares me, but it's what i accept.

Fucking life. I hate it.