Just an update to a post I made a few days ago, where I found out I'm demicaed. Again, for those who don't know:

https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Demicaedsexual

I feel like my perspective on my own demisexuality has changed by now. It's also been really difficult dealing with the fact that so much of my behavior, past and present, stems from my trauma and I've been in pain constantly due to it and didn't even know.

On the demisexual label, it almost feels like a lie by now. A disguise of sorts. Like a mask to my demicaedsexuality I have to present to people because you can't go around saying you have trauma, for as much as you want to scream at the people you newly meet, "please help me". They will flee, and those who don't will surely take advantage of it, use my trauma to know just the right words to say to deceive me.

Even the demisexual flag I have hanging on my wall feels wrong. Like it shouldn't be, like it's there for show, to hide something deeper and much scarier about myself to others.

I welcome anyone who feels they belong in this subreddit to comment here. Demicaed yourself or not, trauma or not, if you have insight, sympathy, or want to comment on labels or anything related to how I've been dealing with things, feel free, you're more than welcome. I'd just like to feel like I'm not alone in this.