So I am at the point I am questioning if I am either Demi or Cupio.

I am 23 and before, while I was very young I had a few small crushes, people were mean to me because I am curvy and nerdy so I rarely felt attraction romantically to anyone but because everyone was dating, getting boyfriends and girlfriends I sort of pressured myself to pick someone and make them my crush, forcefully so I could be normal

For a while I realized that's not normal and that people can develop actual like for other people without forcing themselves and I just....feel like my mind exploded because no one has to push yourself to develop a crush persona they can usually do that themselves.

I was on long distance non healthy relationships but since I realized I was bi I was more open to explore and even realized I am gender fluid but every time I think about it, read romantic media and stuff like that .....I can't but wish for it too, want it but I can't find an actual reason to do something about it, I have tried to date but unless we have some sort of crazy liking to talk about one of my interest ...I don't have any kind of interest on conversation so I guess I am between demi and Cupio because I do like the idea but I can't be bothered to actually try romance seriously.

I'd love to know if there's a way I can realize this,,?