Hey everyone,

I’m 22 years old and I’m visiting my grandpa who has dementia (he’s 91). He’s definitely in the later stages and likely does not have much time left. I’m visiting him now and have really been struggling, and I don’t really have anyone I can talk to for support… my friends are being rather invalidating and unhelpful since they haven’t been in the same situation before and can’t understand what it’s like. So I thought of maybe posting here and reaching out to this community.

My grandparents live abroad in a foreign country. I’ve traveled here with my abusive mother so that I could visit my grandpa as I know his health is rapidly declining.

Unfortunately, my grandpa’s condition worsened immediately before our arrival here, and I was unprepared for this and have been struggling. Even just last week my grandpa was cheery and talkative, but now he is not able to speak anymore. These days, he is bedridden, mostly nonverbal, and sleeps most of the day. I introduce myself to him every time we speak and he seems to smile and laugh a little and reach out to hold my hand. Sometimes his eyes light up a bit too. He often seems to understand things we are saying to him but seems unable to reply.

Due to the pandemic and my own illnesses, I haven’t been able to visit him in several years. The last time I came to see him was 3 years ago. At the time, my grandpa had sort of started to forget little things here and there (like accidentally buying two loaves of bread from the grocery store), but he was active, cheerful, and still knew who I was.

I feel so devastated right now. My grandpa is someone I care about very much. As a kid, he always encouraged me to write and loved reading all the stories and poetry I would write. He’s always been such a fun, playful, and, thoughtful person. But now he looks so tired, struggles to speak, and seems to be in a lot of pain. It’s so hard to see him like this. This situation does seem to be taking a toll on my mental health. But as I’m abroad right now I’m unable to meet with my therapist (although she will occasionally respond to my texts).

I’ve been trying to keep my grandpa engaged and keep him company while I’m here. I played some of his favorite songs for him on YouTube today, and sang a song for him, and read him a story I wrote. He seemed to become progressively alert and engaged as the afternoon went on. I don’t want him to feel bored, so I’ve come up with a master plan to keep him company and (gently) entertain him for the entire two weeks I’m here. I’m an artist and actor, and pretty much dabble in every artistic medium- art seems to be one of the ways I can often connect with people.

I’m trying my best, but I’m still grieving and I don’t know what to do with myself, and no one here with me can offer me any emotional support or validate how I’m feeling (my abusive mother is no help in this situation.) My friends back home lack empathy and seem to expect me to act like everything’s fine even though I’m crumbling. So I came here and am telling this to you.