I’m a new in the this corporate world and really struggling to have a good working relationship with my manager. My manager seems to be nice but sometimes I feel they just want to push me to failure.

There have been occasions where my manager called me out in standup meetings and shouted at me, but there have been times where they also praised me for my work. I’m actually confused what they feel about me.

I regularly check with my manager for feedback on my performance and their expectations on the projects assigned to me. The feedbacks have generally be “just okay” nothing extraordinary but they always mention that I am on track. However, her feedback is always vague and I do not get much inputs on how I can better myself.

However in the past few weeks, I feel my relationship has been deteriorating to a level that I may be kicked out of the company.

I am assigned to work on one of the critical projects of our team and I also happen own the entire piece. However, in the last week while reviewing my project with my manager. The manager suggested certain changes which I did not understand. They took a good 3-4 hours to explain me the project but I failed to understand them. Moreover, I was adamant on my approach and because I misunderstood her methodology I told them it wouldn’t work. This resulted in a lot of back and forth where both of us were clearly getting frustrated on each other. My manager then explained the same to my co worker and they were able to understand the methodology, and later my coworker made me understand the same, and I was able to insert it within 15 mins. After which I rolled the changes with the updates in the next hour. It was not a major enhancement from my previous solution it was just me not able to be on the same page with them.

However, this led to a lot of frustration and even me loosing cool at one point. There was a moment where my manager asked to have the meeting scheduled with my co worker but I denied saying that I was overwhelmed and wanted to look into it myself and have the meeting in the following day but my manager pushed to do the meeting on that day itself as we are close to deadline and project is critical. I feel I whined as a kid and should have had dealt it with it more maturely

I was already a little pissed off since a week before as my manager complained of me not completing enough tasks in the sprint. However they knew that I actually finished the tasks and submitted PR for the same but we’re awaiting their approval. Not just that, I finished all tasks even when they changed their specs at the last moment to make sure I complete my tasks before the cadence ends.

I am not a slacker and actually have been assigned to pick up a lot of tasks of my co-workers and other teams as I finish my work early. However, my manager never acknowledged that kind of belittled me in the standup for no reason.

In the last 1:1 with my manager I did not want to speak with them after the incident in the the standup. I did attend the meeting but told her I do not have anything significant to discuss. However, it felt like they did understand my concern and eased me out, after which we had a good discussion for over 1.5 hours regarding projects and my career in general.

I feel like I have already burned down the bridges with my manager and there is no way my manager would trust me anymore. I did apologize to her after sending the update, but I don’t think it felt genuine to them.

I do love my job and really appreciate my manager and their efforts and would like to rebuild my relationship with them. I am seeking advices and suggestions from all that would help me do so.