I feel like i just need to rant so apologies if this doesn't make much sense.

I (22M HL) and my partner (26F LL) have only been together for about a year. She is my first serious relationship, we live together and are buying our first house. Hopefully we will move next month or so.

At the start of the relationship sex was amazing, we were so compatible, we both would try or do anything and we would have sex everyday and most days more than once. I was so happy, not just with sex but everything. I was very isolated and sexually repressed before we got together and she helped me with all of that. She has pushed me to be the best person I could be, I would always talk about going to university and making something of myself and now because of her I am going to university in September. She is the love of my life and I don't think I could function without her.

However, over the last 3 months or so sex has dropped off massively, we would never go more than 2 or 3 days before now we frequently go a week or 2. Which after reading others posts doesn't sound so bad but everything around sex has been causing problems.

She has become so difficulty to I initiate sex with. There are a couple of outcome. 1) we have sex. Amazing. 2) she is in the mood but says we will have sex later. Later never comes 3) she gets angry at me and snaps at me. I can not begin to describe how much this hurts.

Let's talk about the second outcome. This really frustrates me. I can see she wants to have sex but when she says to wait It kills the mood for me Instantly and I'm left in limbo. If I keep hopes up I'm going to be disappointed and feel so stupid and desperate. I HATE feeling like I'm begging for sex I hate that I try to initiate when I know I have no chance. It makes me feel pathetic and unwanted. But on the flip side is I decided not to initiate again I feel like might miss an opportunity or that she will feel unwanted or unattractive, something she has mentioned ill go into later.

The worst is when she snaps at me. When she does it I just want to break down, imagine being frustrated that your partner wants to have sex with you. What sort of mind set must you be in. I can only conclude that she just doesn't want to have sex with me, why else? Does she hate having sex with me so much that the thought causes her to get angry? If feeds into my Insecurity that she only has sex with me out of obligation. This feeling makes me want to stop having sex with her outright.

As I've said I hate feeling desperate and pathetic, combine that with feeling that she doesn't want to have sex and only does it out of a sense of obligation makes me want to just decide to not have sex to avoid all of the negative feeling around it.

I think the main thing that really hurts is that she masterbates while im at home. I know this because I've seen her search history. This is the cherry on top that makes me feel awful. I'm pining for intamcy, to feel wanted and loved trying to rekindle the spark of our relationship and she masterbates to avoid allowing me to feel these things.

She use to say she always wanted to have sex. I feel like she lied to get me committed to the relationship or she just hates having sex with me to the point that I've put her off of this.

I've spoken to her about this, basically just outlining my feelings. And she said its not me it's the stress over buying a house or her feeling unattractive. I hate that she feels slefcontious and have tried to talk to her about why she feels this way and to help her with this but she just says she doesn't want to talk about it. I've tried to make her feel better about herself, not just for sex but because I love her and I want her to see herself the way I see her. I have always made sure I tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I must day 'your so beautiful' or 'I love you so much' 30 times a day. I've tolder her I would give her some money to have her hair and nails done in hopes her pampering herself would make her feel better, but she just says 'put it in savings for the house'.

I feel so unforfilled I want to feel intamcy and love. I want to provide and spoil her but she doesn't allow me either.

All of this has made me doubt if I do love her. Do I love her or do I just want sex. Do I want to have sex with her or do I just want to have sex with someone. I hate myself for doubting our relationship over this. I just remember when our relationship was simple and full of passion. I felt loved, wanted, desired and satisfied I want to feel that again.