In 2014 when I found out I had a child that was out side of my marriage I knew that this woman that loved me and said she would love me through this was forever changed.

2021 I got the feeling more then I did in 2009 or 2018 that she has been either doing her thing or whatever. Again I said I predicted this and had said to my self almost a decade I’d be prepared for this but honestly I wasn’t. She cheated when I caught everything off of a sync of her Apple Watch.

She did it as she stated with a random guy on her business trip. A week later we are at a planned marriage retreat and I’m not allowed to rage about my true feelings of what she has done further then Rando Guy?

Our life in the bedroom is 90-10 meaning if I don’t ask/plead or make an issue of it she can do without in my opinion. We’ve tried dipping our toe into the Lifestyle with forgettable results.

In the end it’s back to us and we can stand each other subconsciously but we fight to make us work daily and I know I’m a man whore I crave sex way too much for me to be walking into my 40’s.

And not that my wife doesn’t try but she is awful at seducing me it’s like ok come on let’s do this “duty sex” I guess after all I’ve done I should shut up and be thankful I still get some and she is still with me but then I feel like I’d be a cuck in a weird way..idk