Well it happened. She got it done. After so much rejection and really bad "oh I want you" duty sex, I'm broken. Usually it's the blue pill to the rescue but I didn't bother because half the time I end up self servicing when it doesn't happen. This Saturday morning because that is the only time there is any attempt, she actually initiated. Of course in my head I say I must have had puppy dog eyes and been grumpy because that was her excuse a couple of times ago for showing me "appreciation". I don't want effing appreciation. I want desire and intimacy. Then the last couple of times from the back with what may as well be a doll.

Yeah toothy half assed bj and then a little rock of the hips that was doing nothing for me as my body just said fuck it and noodled out. Her rationalization is it must be the pain from the kidney stone (she must have forgotten that our second date I went for 8 hours with a kidney stone). In the evening attempt number two. Bad hand job to get me going and I'm half heartedly in it. She wants mish well great starfish time with a belly that means I only half reach anymore and it's like a silent film.

Yeah I'm out. About that open marriage yes please. It will be a great transition to someone new who values me.

No sex is not all just a symptom. Financially used to pay all the bills but food. Bought new tires for her car on payment plan as they were slicks and she would have just kept going until they weren't there at all. Did she make any one payment? Nope. Kind of low on money had to help my one 22yr old kid out, all while I'm taking a payday loan to keep the bills paid. Does she pay her phone, insurance, medical insurance, anything but food? Nope. I should get more appreciation and it should be enthusiastic. Guess I needed to vent because there is no fixing this. She was once amazing now I don't even know her.