Here’s the thing.

I’m introverted as heck. On top of that, I have a little bit of social anxiety mixed in with anxiety in general.

For years I would have people tell me I’m quiet, that I should speak up more. And when I got into adulthood, I did. I became more open. Louder, if you will.

But that kinda backfired. Now I’m worried I’m TOO forward. That I’m too LOUD. And for all the years of people telling me I should be myself, that people will appreciate it - sometimes I wonder if ‘myself’ is just something that is universally bad. Maybe I’m just annoying and it sucks and it’s no one’s fault but maybe that’s just the cards I’ve been dealt with, you know?

The lifestyle helps in a way. I find people who are exactly like me. I’ve even found that anxiety is a recurring element in some people interested in kink / BDSM. And it’s a beautiful feeling, because I have found something I can channel my personality and energy into. I don’t feel as alone.

It sucks sometimes because, more often then not, my Daddy side doesn’t have a little to counteract that need to nurture and care and support. I have friends and friends of friends but there’s always that longing to exercise my Daddy traits.

Anyway. Don’t mind me. Just putting this out there in the hopes that someone similar stops by and might take comfort in knowing they’re not alone.