So I'm playing Namalsk with my buddy, and we're running mighty low on med supplies after an incident at Object A2. We decide to head across Tara Bridge and get to Old Hospital. I'm rolling an AK107 with a grenade launcher and a PSO scope, with a silenced AK74U in my backpack and a PDW as my secondary. My friend's packing a PKM and an m9 sd. Between the two of us, we have two cars- both with full tanks and in great shape. I have a UAZ, he has a GAZ. We were at Norinsk, so we decided to take the long, looping road along the Western coast of the map, the one that leads through Brensk and always gives you a reason to kill yourself if you spawn there. For those of you who don't play Namalsk, it's probably the longest, most lonesome road on the map.

We start a convoy of two, me in the UAZ taking the lead. We're making good speed, but this road is hella long. After about five minutes of driving, a huge, green Ural blasts around the corner, coming straight at us. There were only about ten other people on the server, so we found this sorta odd. As per the DayZ code, we pull off to the side of the road and hop out of the car, ready for a gunfight. Instead, the Ural continues right past us and happily honks. We both honk back. I told my mate how nice it was to finally see someone who wasn't trying to kill us, and we get back on the road. I typed greetings to the Ural in chat, and the driver responds with "come back". I didn't think anything of it, we were clearly going opposite directions.

A few minutes later is when the carnage began. "Ural's back," my friend said, matter-of-factly.

I looked behind his GAZ. It was back alright, ten meters behind him and closing in fast. He seemed to not notice it's proximity.

HONK HOOOOOOOOONK

"Man, don't you think it's a little close? I'd pull-"

That was all I got out before I heard a terrible grating noise, followed shortly by an explosion. The thing knocked the burnt-out hull of my friend's GAZ aside and grazed my UAZ, damaging almost every part of it. I hold down Q and start going a tiny bit faster, staying mere feet in front of the Ural bearing down on me. I manage to stay in front of it for about ten seconds, but it had gained too much momentum from going downhill. I try to pull over, but get knocked by the Ural again and pushed off the road. I sat in my UAZ, running what had just happened through my head for a few seconds, then got out and emptied an AK107 mag into the back of the Ural as it sped away, trimumphant. HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK.

I consider my options. My friend is dead and my UAZ's badly busted. I ran over to my friend's car to salvage some of his stuff, then I planned to hop in the UAZ and chase the offending Ural down. I had just snatched up my friend's PKM when a barrage of gunfire started peppering the grove of trees I was in. I try to locate the shooter to no avail, so I just hide under a tree. They clearly didn't actually see me, and were just spraying the area with an LMG to try and flush me out. We'd see about that.

Eventually the gunfire stopped, and I lay in the tree, waiting. The humor of this situation had just began to reach me, and I was laughing my ass off and drowning out my friend's whining. I was just about to hop back into the UAZ when I heard the telltale HOOOOOOOONK.

Thing comes tearing by in the opposite direction, then spots my UAZ on the side of the road and changes course. It nudges the UAZ slightly and my beloved bursts into flames, but not before I manage to unload about 50 PKM rounds into the Ural. Zero fucks given, the Ural speeds off again, leaving me with my burning UAZ. A few minutes later, it explodes. Sadface.

I run into the woods and set up camp, waiting for it to come around a fourth time. At least it was predictable. It was at about this point that I remembered that my AK107, now on my friend's body, had a grenade launcher attachment, and I had two grenades for it. I'd just hide in a tree and noobtube that thing when it came around. I was crossing the road when I'm opened up on again, this time from much closer. Looking back, I really think they were just taunting me here. They were close enough to hit me by the sound of it, but they hit everything except me. I stayed hidden for a while, waiting for the next HOOOOOOOONK. Eventually, it came.

I gave it another 50 or so PKM rounds, and it tanked them, drove beyond my view distance, turned around, and came back for more. This time, I'd be ready. I knew which way it'd be coming from, so I'd spray the windshield with PKM, surely killing both of them.

Using my friend's GAZ as cover, (My UAZ was still a ball of flame making explosion noises at irregular intervals) I waited. And waited.

HONK HOOOOOOOONK

It came, and I was ready. I squeezed off about 20 rounds into where I thought their faces would be, but it was going too fast to guarantee accuracy. It saw where I was coming from, and turned to the GAZ to try and ram me. I went for a sidestep, but it was just too damn fast. Thing knocked me unconscious before I could really comprehend what was happening. If the GAZ hadn't buffered it, I probably would have died right there.

I woke up to see two guys (one of them was in a hero skin for heavens sake) pointing huge guns at me. This part's kind of embarrassing, so I won't go into detail, but they ended up stealing my PKM and PDW and forcing me to sing for them. I had my AK74u sd tucked away in my backpack, which they had apparently failed to check, and I was waiting for the perfect moment to whip it out and unleash silent fury on each of them. However, before I could commit such shenanigans, we got the primer for the EMP thingy going off. "Ahahaha, you're fucked now!" I laughed. They're all like "oh shit" and got into the Ural, abandoning me. I pull out my AK, spray the back of the Ural as the screen fades to white, then die due to not having enough blood to survive the EMP. I can only hope they lost conscious in the driver's seat and drove into the ocean.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I've been playing DayZ since April and have never had this much fun.