The next time I post, it will either be for a happy reason or because I’ve ended things. Some of you may recognize me and many of you advised me to walk away from my boyfriend on my posts. Unfortunately a new obstacle (probably the worst one) came up and I’m no longer going to give him another chance. This is the third strike, I can’t keep doing this and forgiving him for his mistakes.

Quick re-intro. I (33F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for 9 months tomorrow. Our first hurdle was him not sure if he wanted to be with me and that my body was potentially a factor. Turned out the real reason he was pulling away was because of the next strike: he finally told me the truth that the degree and occupation he told me he has and practices is false but he hopes to get back into higher education. This hurt me and I was angry that he was dishonest since day 1 and for 7 months. He thought that it was unfair he was lying to me and instead of telling me the truth when we became exclusive he was trying to end things with me. Yes, huge red flags. I moved past it thinking that was going to be the biggest and last issue we would face. I was very wrong.

Now onto the main issue that is his third strike. First, before he came clean about his career and degree and after we got over his doubts (which was really about him lying to me) we had a great 4 months together. We were clicking so well together, we were saying I love you and we were committed to one another. Once he told me the truth I think things went downhill. After my birthday in mid May, he wasn’t able to spend more than a day a week with me and this happened for several weeks. Plans would keep on changing and I was getting frustrated. So, unfortunately I would argue and get angry and threaten to break up due to anger not because I wanted to break up. During this time, his parents were telling him he shouldn’t be with me and he should explore all of his options. So, last weekend, I had a feeling things were off. I got sick over the weekend and a family emergency happened on Sunday and I barely saw him at all. Next day, I went on a Facebook group (helps to check if guys are being faithful or if they have red flags) and posted him and I and his picture. After several hours no one had any info so I almost deleted my post when suddenly I get a notification and see a screen shot that was my boyfriends Tinder account but it was recently active. I then frantically called him I texted him the screenshots and confronted him about Tinder. I called a few more times because he was working and when he answered I asked if he read my texts he said not yet. I confronted him about Tinder and he admitted he’d been swiping for three weeks we were fighting on and off. I said we had to talk in person that night. It was revealed he was on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. I saw all the matches and one conversation he had. The last time he swiped was literally Monday when I caught him. He didn’t swap numbers (I checked) or go on any dates or hooked up with anyone but if he continued he may very well have. He said he was being pulled in different directions and said my anger shut him down and he was sure I was going to break up with him and his parents planted seeds of doubt in his mind and he slipped up and decided to go on the apps to see who was out there. We talked for 4 hours on Monday. We saw each other Wednesday. We had a therapy session on Thursday. He swears that he’ll never be that stupid and do that again. I have access to his phone and I can easily verify if he goes back on. We also deleted his profiles on the 3 dating apps and we changed his instagram picture to us both. I wasn’t angry but more so in shock and sad and devastated. I chose to forgive him but I made it clear any more messing up and it’s over between us. He promised he was going to prove his love and loyalty to me from here on out and he was in a very bad mental state and forgot what we have and all that I do for him. I understand his lack of relationship experience (first girlfriend in 8 years) but cheating is huge and to me there’s no excuse. We’ve been trying to reconnect and tomorrow is our 9 month anniversary.

Yes, I really should’ve broken up with him on Monday but if anything else happens on his end, I can say I truly tried and I gave him 3 chances and he failed to be good to me. You’re all right, just because he’s sweet and our relationship is good in person doesn’t mean it’s actually all good. He was actively cheating on me for 3 weeks and only told the truth after I caught him and confronted him. For the record, he talked to his mom this week saying point blank he loves me and wants to be with me and he doesn’t appreciate his parents unkindness towards me. His mom apologized and gave her blessing.

For the record, I should’ve broken up with him after the lie. Unfortunately I’m too deep in my feelings for him so I kept holding on. Moving forward, I’ll only accept a healthy relationship with good communication or else it’s time like you all said to move on. Love is not enough in a relationship as I’ve learned. You were all right he was just going to keep disrespecting me. I saw it but I didn’t want to admit it. Maybe deep down I don’t want to be single again and think I won’t “get someone better”. Maybe my love for him even after everything is blinding me. I’m holding myself accountable though, any more problems and it’s over.

Many of you were right but I didn’t want to agree.