I (33F) have been dating almost (29M) for almost 8 months. On date two I grilled him about his educational background and career. He told me where he graduated from and that he also graduated law school and works with his law degree part time. He said he took a gap year after college then went to law school. I have my MA and I am in my first year of my PhD program. He also said he works with his family business. I said okay and we started dating. One of my dealbreakers was educational background (having post grad).

We had some bumps in the beginning of the road but nothing for 6 months. We get along so well it’s almost scary. We have fun and we can be silly and goofy with one another. We have the same values, shared hobbies, and are both family oriented. The age gap makes no difference to us. We just click. Intimacy is the best I’ve ever had. We said “I love you” by month 5. We have built a strong emotional connection. Things seemed to be too good to be true.

Tonight I drove over because I forgot my charger (he lives at home but his parents are on vacation) and to spend a few hours with him after work today. Before I was going to head out I talked about our timeline. Like what would get us to move forward in the relationship after a year (like moving in together). I also joked about how long it would take for us to get married. He closed his eyes and looked distraught. I asked him what was wrong. He said he wasn’t honest with me about one thing. I trust him so I know it wasn’t about him being unfaithful. I asked him what it is. He became silent for 5 minutes then said he never went to law school and doesn’t have a law degree but he did graduate college. He said he’s been procrastinating going back to school and he wanted to come clean so many times but he felt I would break up with him because it was a dealbreaker of mine and my parents are very educated (both are physicians).

At first I didn’t know what to say but I suspected it sometimes but now I have confirmation. I’m not upset at the information just that he didn’t tell me until now. He said he’s going to apply to law schools this year in our state. I told him I’ll support him if this is what he wants to do.

I still love and care about him but I’m just sad he just now tells me and wasn’t honest from the get go. He’s a kind and loving person and he treats me amazingly. But this makes our timeline more difficult. Marriage seems 5 years away now. He is so dedicated to his family’s business I don’t know if he’ll continue to procrastinate law school or not.

I’m somewhat shocked at this new information but before I kissed him goodbye I said it doesn’t change how I feel about him and I’ll support him in his educational journey. Just unsure about how the future will look. I’m ready to settle down in 2 and a half years when I graduate, he definitely won’t be ready. He feels I deserve better than him and he fears he’s wasting my time. I reassured him he’s not and what I have with him I won’t have with any other guy on this planet.

I know we’ll continue to talk about this together. His family’s business won’t be around forever so he said he knows he needs a plan. I just don’t know how much I trust him to get the ball rolling.

This was a big lie imo and though I’m not mad it puts things into question. I don’t know… should I be upset more? How do I support him? Am I okay with all of this because it directly impacts our future. He said he had no idea he’d find someone like me and things would go so well and he feels bad he lied to me. Everything was literally perfect before this. My family also believes he’s a lawyer so that complicates things further.

If your partner held back info for this long, what did you do?

Edit 2 (posted in comments but suggested to be here as well):

… as I’ve said before, I don’t care about that anymore and haven’t for six months. That was a while ago. What I care about is the relationship and how I’m being treated. Did he lie? Yeah, because I intimidated him. Could he have come clean sooner? Absolutely. But that’s okay. What I see is a good guy who made a mistake, wants to start making a life for himself because he wants to, is a hard worker, is family oriented, and before all this has treated me respectfully and lovingly. That’s what matters. If people are still going to comment about educational backgrounds it’s likely because they don’t have higher education themselves and think they’re date-able and great and how dare anyone exclude people with only a high school diploma or college? You know, it’s been studied the more two people have in common the better the odds are the relationship will last long term. So a person with higher education dating someone with the same background can connect on that and their experiences getting to where they are now. Nothing wrong with that.

FYI: I’ve dated several men who only had a BA. I didn’t care about that then. Some were nice, others just not a good fit. I had my educational requirement because I thought it would help me find someone like-minded. That’s basically it. Not for any other reason, not because it means they are “more intelligent”, more successful, rich, etc.

People really need to ask why they are so triggered by something I wanted long ago and for the right reasons. Also if I was a snob and some elitist wouldn’t I have dumped my boyfriend the minute he told me the truth? Lol. I did the opposite. I told him I don’t think any less of him and it’s okay but that honesty is important to me from here on out. You all paint me as an unreasonable b*tch yet all you know is my gender, my age, and that I’m in a relationship. You all know literally nothing else and continue dogpiling on me and judging me for something I have stated one million times no longer matters to me.