This is a major question I've struggled with for a long time. I have a lot of experience in polyamory, and further back in my 20's I was the extra guy for hotwifing type couples.

Well, now I like something in the middle of it all, but try not to date the poly types as I get annoyed with their norms, the community peer pressure, etc....

So, I'm using dating profiles instead.

The conundrum: Mention a desire for my partner to eventually date around, and I get seen as unbalanced. Some women in the kink community already said that a reveal on a profile even suggests that I'm looking to just get laid ASAP. That is so not the case.

On the other hand, I want to save her some time by letting her know that I'm alternative early on. I don't look alternative at all.

I want to save myself some time too, but most of all, I know there's some women out there that would like to have some freedom, but don't find the full deep polyamory route attractive either.

I even like "fake cheating". I so wish I could just put that.

What I've done so far is use different amounts of reveal on different apps. Bumble was the only one I felt less desire to reveal anything on.

Hinge and Okcupid have both relationship type labels and good prompts that always tempt me so much to say "I would love to end up in a relationship with a woman that likes to cheat AND stay in her relationship". Of course, not long term secret cheating, but short term is fine.

I'll be asking a therapist about all of this next week. She a woman that has counseled many kinky people. First, let's hear what you have to say as to whether I could reveal my desire for a long term relationship like this on an app!